My First Miscarriage: Part 3

To read part 2 click here.

I woke up at 3 am the next morning in a state of agonizing pain, ran to the bathroom, and knew for sure that I was having a miscarriage as I looked down and saw heavy bleeding.  My heart sank and I didn’t know how I was going to tell my husband that we had lost our baby.  I couldn’t cry at that moment; I was in shock and trying to process the end of my short pregnancy.

I got back in bed, touched Jon’s shoulder, and said, “I’m having a miscarriage for sure. I’m so sorry.”  That’s when it hit me and I started to cry because I felt like such a failure, and I wondered if I had caused this.  I thought, “If I had just listened to Jon and not bought a pregnancy test, I might not have known this happened. We wouldn’t have broken hearts if I had been more patient.”

When it was time to wake up and start getting ready for Vacation Bible School, I wasn’t sure if I was going to go.  As I sat there thinking about Sharon (my mother in law who I was teaching with) having to teach by herself, I was angry that this was happening, but I didn’t want to leave her alone on our first day of vacation bible school.  I got out of bed, took more Tylenol than you should (but hey I was in pain and I didn’t want to feel it while I was trying to teach) took a shower, and waited for Sharon to pick me up for VBS.  I asked Jon to call his mom for me and tell her what was happening, and to ask her not to talk about it.

I was so angry and bitter and I just couldn’t believe that this was happening to me when I had to spend the next five days teaching and doing something I was already uncomfortable doing without an added miscarriage to it.  I can’t remember if I prayed that morning, but I think that I was ignoring God while I was trying to deal with my emotions.

For VBS me and Sharon were teaching missions, and we had 5 different age groups come through every 30 minutes.  We had everything planned out perfectly and our room was ready and set up.  As our first group arrived, chaos erupted.  We only expected to have 20 to 30 students, and instead we had 70+.  Our classroom was too small and there wasn’t enough chairs for everyone.  Praise God for the other teachers, because they arranged the kids 2 per chair and were a big help in managing the situation.

As we started the presentation, and every thing seemed to be going wrong, I thought, “How am I going to make it through this week.  Why is God letting this happen to me? Did I do something to upset him?”

To be continued in part 4.

Blessings,

Amber

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. -Matthew 11: 28-30

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2 Corinthians 12:9

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