My First Miscarriage: Part 4

To read part three click here.

With God’s help (I didn’t want to admit it at the time) we were able to get through the first presentation without breaking down into tears, and then the vacation bible school coordinator came in and told us we were moving to the church sanctuary.  It was a huge blessing to move from our tiny classroom to the sanctuary, and although I had to re-structure our presentation to fit that new setting, it ended up working out much better than the classroom ever could have.  That is where God needed us to teach to be the most effective, and I’m so happy that it worked out that way.

I even got to use a microphone, which I have to admit-I just LOVE having a microphone in my hands.  It brings back memories of my childhood when I had a play microphone and I would sing for my pretend audience ;-)

Each presentation got better and better as the day went on, and when we finally finished I was relieved.  Even though I knew we had a lot of work ahead of us, and it was going to be a rough week, I felt better knowing that we survived the first day, and that it would only get better from that point on.

When I got home, I didn’t want to sleep.  I just wanted to sit on the computer and read blogs about miscarriage and get on thebump.com to read the miscarriage/pregnancy loss message board.  Although, I was glad to have those resources available-I quickly realized that having a miscarriage during the week of vacation bible school was the best possible time to have it, because I was so busy that it didn’t give me time to sit at home and feel horrible over this loss.

One really good thing did come out of reading miscarriage blogs, because I found an article from a Christian author who suffered from several miscarriages, and she said that it was okay to be angry with God.  That was a natural feeling and that we needed to take that feeling to the cross, and let Him help us deal with that part of the grieving process.  So, that’s what I did.  I talked to Jesus and I told him that I didn’t understand and that I was angry that this had happened to me.

I can’t tell you how important it is to be honest with God, even when we don’t think that it is possible for us to go to Him.  God will bless you beyond anything you can imagine if you can just let your guard down and allow Him to heal you, even during the times when part of the healing process is learning to move past your anger against God.

After talking with God, I decided I needed to read the book of Job in the bible.  Job was a righteous man who feared God and hated evil.  Satan was sure that he could get Job to speak against God, and said this, “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has?  You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land.  But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.”

Job was put through many tests in an effort by Satan to get him to curse against the Lord;  he lost his possessions, his children, and his health.  Although he lost everything, Job did not lose his trust in God, and when nothing else was left, he had God and that was enough.  God eventually spoke to Job and even restored his possessions, health and family and gave him even greater blessings than he had before.

That night, I spoke with my husband about what I had read in Job and I asked, “Do you think that maybe I’m going through a test?”  His reply changed my entire week, “It’s very possible.  Whatever you are going through, God is only allowing it to happen because he knows that you are strong enough to be tested.  He knows that you won’t give up on Him.”

Suddenly, the rest of my week was changed.  Instead of being angry, and focused on what I was losing, I realized that God was ON MY SIDE and he already knew that I was going to win this battle.

I also remembered a prayer that I had prayed to Him a few months prior:  I was watching a movie at a monthly bible study we attend, A Greater Yes: The Story of Amy Newhouse, about Amy, who was a high school student who had a huge heart for Christ.  She was diagnosed with cancer and I won’t spoil the story for you, but basically God used her suffering for a greater purpose: to save others.  It was such a powerful story to me, and I just prayed, “God, whatever I need to go through in this life to bring you glory, let your will be done.”

I can’t know what God’s purpose is for any of the suffering during this life, but I do know that any pain that I experience in this life, my God will use for a greater eternal purpose.

To be continued in part 5.

Blessings,

Amber

Blessings by Laura Story:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ&feature=share

“God is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” -Psalm 46: 1-3

“Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.  From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.  I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.” -Psalm 61: 1-4

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” -Psalm 62: 1-2

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” -Proverbs 18:10

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