Category Archives: Life Struggles

Goodbye Sweetpea Love

She lived 14 years and had a wonderful life chasing squirrels, lizards, and barking at horses on road trips with her mommy and daddy.

She loved to sleep on comfy doggy beds made of pillows and blankets.

She was a good big sister to Pebbles

And best of all, she really loved her mommy and daddy

I’ll miss this precious face for the rest of my life and I can’t wait to see her someday when I get where I’m going.  Mommy and Daddy love you forever Sweetpea.

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Easy vs Hard

Something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is the choice between doing something easy or doing something hard.  Most often, the easier path is more desirable but doesn’t give us any kind of success or satisfaction.  The harder path requires much more effort and is therefore not as desirable.  But the harder path almost always leads to a reward far better than if we chose the easy road.

For instance, now that I’m working I don’t have as much time on my hands as I did when I was staying home, but yet I still have to manage the home.  Every day, I have to make the choice to spend time taking care of my home or relax and watch tv or play on the internet.

When I choose to relax and spend most of my night watching shows and getting on Facebook and pinterest, I’ve come to realize that the house gets messy quickly, dishes don’t get done, and then I’m not always able to feed my husband and myself a nice healthy meal.  Sometimes I will stay up late doing nothing productive with my time, and the next day I’m overcome with the stress of trying to make up for that lost time.

When I choose to take the time to do the dishes, clean up the house, exercise, make healthy meals for the week, and read my bible, I notice that life is far more peaceful.  My soul rejoices in the benefits of my efforts.

Sometimes when I’m sad, I have to choose between taking that feeling to God and taking the time to deal with my grief or stuffing my feelings with activities that distract me from having to deal with it.  There are various activities that people use to distract themselves from dealing with grief, but my go-to activity is pigging out on junk food.

Today was an another easy vs hard day for me.  When I woke up, the house was a neglected disaster from a week of making poor decisions (choosing that attractive easy road).  I was still feeling tired though I couldn’t sleep a minute longer and I desperately wanted to drive to Starbucks and pick up a delicious pumpkin spice latte and a piece of coffee cake.  I pushed through the desire and instead decided to make eggs and bacon for breakfast for myself and husband.  It required more effort but in the end I enjoyed it and my husband was pleased.

My body felt weak and tired but I knew that if I didn’t exercise in the morning, it wasn’t going to happen.  My husband even tagged along with me.  We didn’t make it more than 10 minutes, but I was proud of myself.  I’m never proud of myself for spending 10 minutes on Facebook.  There is something wonderful about being able to feel proud of yourself for working hard.

We just recently joined a small group through our Sunday school class and we will be meeting twice a month for fellowship outside of church.  Jonathan had to work today and I was nervous about going by myself and I knew that there were a few pregnant members in our group and I get anxious about how I will respond to pregnancy talk – sometimes I can handle it and other times it breaks my heart.

I wanted to take the easy road, make an excuse about being tired, and stay home and relax.  But I decided to be brave and head to the meeting.  I had decided in my mind that I wasn’t going to share any of our miscarriage struggles because I didn’t want anyone to feel bad for me and I didn’t want it to be awkward.  It would be far much easier to pretend that I’m perfectly happy and it would be easier to talk about fun happy things.

As a church we are reading through the Story over the course of 31 weeks and doing bible studies together.  Tonight we were having a discussion from the first three chapters and we were talking about going through trials in life that made us feel like God was punishing us but we later realized were in fact a gift of grace.

When it was my turn to share, I stated that I was currently going through a trial in which I often feel like God is punishing me or wonder what I’m doing wrong.  I said that I wasn’t sure if I was comfortable sharing the full details but the group reassured me that I could share without fear and so I made the hard decision to share that we’ve suffered many miscarriages and I’m struggling through periods of times where I either trust in God’s faithfulness or doubt that anything good will come from this pain.

We ended in prayer and one of the members took a moment to pray for me and Jonathan and it was such a kind thing to do.  She prayed that as a group they would be there to offer us support and that meant so very much to me.  Since all of this has started, I have felt like I have been suffering in silence.  I never share with anyone how hard this journey is for me and it is a huge burden on my shoulders to carry alone.  It means the world to me to know that someone is praying for me and someone wants to support me through this.

So while it was terribly scary to go to this thing alone, and while it conjured up feelings of sadness over the difficulty of my trials, my soul is rejoicing in taking the hard road.  My soul rejoices that I chose fellowship with other believers who now know what I’m going through and are going to be there to pray for me and help me through it.  My soul rejoices in the fact that through the pain of tears, God brings forth healing.  My soul rejoices in the effort that produces beautiful, good fruit.

Blessings,

Amber

Linking up with Courtney at womenlivingwell.org

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Update to my last post

In my last post I was a little emotional – okay hormonal would be more like it.  I know from God’s word that my feelings and what I go through in this life is not an indication of God’s love for me but rather what his word tells me.  It is a true spiritual battle determining to trust in the truth of His word or be deceived by lies from the one who comes to kill, steal, and destroy.

I really should read this post the next time I am struggling to remember that I am loved by my Heavenly Father.

Anyways, I just wanted to update you guys and let you know that I’m hanging in there – life is just a bit tough right now but I know I’ll get through it with God’s help and I appreciate your love and support.  I promise to have some exciting recipe posts coming at you soon.

Oh, another fun update, my husband and I are getting in contact with adoption agencies.  We would really like to adopt an older child through the state that is currently in the foster care system.  I just think, it would be so awesome to adopt a child who has been praying for a family for years – I know the pain that I feel when I am praying for God to give me a child and I can only imagine what it would feel like to not have a forever family.  Please be in prayer for our family as we begin this journey and for the child or children who might someday join our family – ah how exciting to even type such a sentence!

God bless you,

Amber

Unglued day=Time for Unglued Webcast

As much as I would like to pretend that I’m the perfect christian, with a perfect life, the truth is that I seem to come unglued way more than I hold it together.  Just ask my husband, lol.  He gets to see the “real” me all the time.

I’ve had a lot of trouble adjusting to working life after a year and a half of being a homemaker.  I’ve had good and bad days.  Today was a bad day.

The computer wasn’t working this morning and I couldn’t get anything done.  It was a problem because I had a lot of work orders to put in the computer, a lot of questions from our clients, and invoices to post. Papers were piling high, the phone was ringing off the hook, clients were upset, and I was getting more and more tense.

When I got back from lunch, my computer was finally working again, but I was so behind in work, and I was getting interrupted by phone calls constantly.  More upset clients, and a co-worker that gave me that cold shoulder, and I snapped. I snapped in my “stuffer” way. I went to the bathroom and cried for 5 minutes, came back out and pretended like everything was fine.  Though, I did yell at my computer and shake my fist at it 🙂

When I left work, I was still upset over the day.  I wasn’t even excited about the 3 day weekend.  I continued to dwell on the negative day.  After sitting in horrible traffic, I drove to the bank to put my pay check in and realized that the only pen I had, was out of ink.  I threw the pen on the car floor, sped off, and cursed (yes, how very not Christ-like of me, I know, I know. I’m just being honest here.) I think a woman even noticed my outburst and looked at me with wide eyes – the stuffer in me cringed that someone (other than my husband-he gets to enjoy my lovely outbursts on more occasions than I am willing to admit) saw my embarrassing reaction.

When I got home, I looked at Facebook and the first thing I saw was a video from the Unglued Webcast last night.  I thought, “Yup! I need to watch this right now!”

Have you ever had one of those lovely unglued days, where nothing goes right, and you just can’t seem to hold it together? I encourage you to check out the unglued webcast here. Next week at work, I’m going to try to remember to follow some of these great tips on managing my actions and reactions.

And please, share your stories of how you have reacted on an unglued type of day in a non-Christ like way.  Am I all alone in my crazy reactions? Or better yet, share your stories of how you were able to react to a bad situation in a Christ-like way.  I need some tips, my sweet sisters in Christ!

Blessings,

Amber