Something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is the choice between doing something easy or doing something hard. Most often, the easier path is more desirable but doesn’t give us any kind of success or satisfaction. The harder path requires much more effort and is therefore not as desirable. But the harder path almost always leads to a reward far better than if we chose the easy road.
For instance, now that I’m working I don’t have as much time on my hands as I did when I was staying home, but yet I still have to manage the home. Every day, I have to make the choice to spend time taking care of my home or relax and watch tv or play on the internet.
When I choose to relax and spend most of my night watching shows and getting on Facebook and pinterest, I’ve come to realize that the house gets messy quickly, dishes don’t get done, and then I’m not always able to feed my husband and myself a nice healthy meal. Sometimes I will stay up late doing nothing productive with my time, and the next day I’m overcome with the stress of trying to make up for that lost time.
When I choose to take the time to do the dishes, clean up the house, exercise, make healthy meals for the week, and read my bible, I notice that life is far more peaceful. My soul rejoices in the benefits of my efforts.
Sometimes when I’m sad, I have to choose between taking that feeling to God and taking the time to deal with my grief or stuffing my feelings with activities that distract me from having to deal with it. There are various activities that people use to distract themselves from dealing with grief, but my go-to activity is pigging out on junk food.
Today was an another easy vs hard day for me. When I woke up, the house was a neglected disaster from a week of making poor decisions (choosing that attractive easy road). I was still feeling tired though I couldn’t sleep a minute longer and I desperately wanted to drive to Starbucks and pick up a delicious pumpkin spice latte and a piece of coffee cake. I pushed through the desire and instead decided to make eggs and bacon for breakfast for myself and husband. It required more effort but in the end I enjoyed it and my husband was pleased.
My body felt weak and tired but I knew that if I didn’t exercise in the morning, it wasn’t going to happen. My husband even tagged along with me. We didn’t make it more than 10 minutes, but I was proud of myself. I’m never proud of myself for spending 10 minutes on Facebook. There is something wonderful about being able to feel proud of yourself for working hard.
We just recently joined a small group through our Sunday school class and we will be meeting twice a month for fellowship outside of church. Jonathan had to work today and I was nervous about going by myself and I knew that there were a few pregnant members in our group and I get anxious about how I will respond to pregnancy talk – sometimes I can handle it and other times it breaks my heart.
I wanted to take the easy road, make an excuse about being tired, and stay home and relax. But I decided to be brave and head to the meeting. I had decided in my mind that I wasn’t going to share any of our miscarriage struggles because I didn’t want anyone to feel bad for me and I didn’t want it to be awkward. It would be far much easier to pretend that I’m perfectly happy and it would be easier to talk about fun happy things.
As a church we are reading through the Story over the course of 31 weeks and doing bible studies together. Tonight we were having a discussion from the first three chapters and we were talking about going through trials in life that made us feel like God was punishing us but we later realized were in fact a gift of grace.
When it was my turn to share, I stated that I was currently going through a trial in which I often feel like God is punishing me or wonder what I’m doing wrong. I said that I wasn’t sure if I was comfortable sharing the full details but the group reassured me that I could share without fear and so I made the hard decision to share that we’ve suffered many miscarriages and I’m struggling through periods of times where I either trust in God’s faithfulness or doubt that anything good will come from this pain.
We ended in prayer and one of the members took a moment to pray for me and Jonathan and it was such a kind thing to do. She prayed that as a group they would be there to offer us support and that meant so very much to me. Since all of this has started, I have felt like I have been suffering in silence. I never share with anyone how hard this journey is for me and it is a huge burden on my shoulders to carry alone. It means the world to me to know that someone is praying for me and someone wants to support me through this.
So while it was terribly scary to go to this thing alone, and while it conjured up feelings of sadness over the difficulty of my trials, my soul is rejoicing in taking the hard road. My soul rejoices that I chose fellowship with other believers who now know what I’m going through and are going to be there to pray for me and help me through it. My soul rejoices in the fact that through the pain of tears, God brings forth healing. My soul rejoices in the effort that produces beautiful, good fruit.